I’m currently revisiting an old workplace, helping out with the job I used to do in order to pay the bills and save some money for a summer holiday. It’s data entry work, hardly riveting, but I am getting paid for it nonetheless and therefore should be working.
Instead I am writing this post. It just popped into my head and I felt I had to start straight away. I’ve been here for almost two weeks and have tried to put a self imposed ban on twitter and my personal email account. I tried to give myself an allowance of checking it once per hour, it worked for a couple of days, and then it didn’t.
I have FOMO. And an unfocussed mind. I forget things if I don’t act on them or record them straight away.
If I’m on a computer I see no need not to be connected to everyone all the time. And it has destroyed my work ethic.
As a further experiment I decided to record all the random thoughts that popped into my head throughout the day that I would usually act on immediately so as not to lose them. Many points I still acted on right away, others were good to record so I could move on from the thought and continue working. But all showed just how attention deficit my brain is.
Just now I took a break from writing this to check twitter.
I have a problem.
Almost 7 weeks after writing that I am back at the same job for a couple more weeks and I’m finally publishing this post.
What is wrong with me?!
It’s hard to get out of my extreme lazy habits. Almost like I take it as a challenge to see how little I can do in a day and still manage to survive.
The last few months have been different for me. Business slowed down because I wasn’t paying it any attention and despite my savings I decided it was time to do some temping. I don’t want to have a full time permanent job that I hate ever again, so temping has been a nice compromise. Even nicer that I’ve managed to make the jobs I’ve worked so far part time hours.
After 6 hours in an office all I want to do is chill out. I don’t want to *have* to do something. So while Brend is getting up for work at 5.45 am and putting in 8 hours on his feet then coming home and either writing, playing music, prepping lessons for his new music students, catching up on the news, tending his plants or any number of other things that make him look like an on to it if not moderately stressed out man, I’m sitting on the bed waiting for him to finish so we can watch the next episode of The Wire.
That’s why I need deadlines.
After working for myself for over a year I’ve realised exactly how I work and how to make myself get things done. It’s a combination of doing things straight away so I don’t forget them. And giving myself deadlines that will make me look like an egg, make me miss out on something, or make someone angry if I don’t meet them.
It’s unfortunate. But it’s me. I’m trying.