I’m not a fan of big new year resolutions where the results aren’t measurable, like be healthy or lose weight or cook more. That’s why I have my 26 in 26 list. But there’s no denying January is the best time of year to write lists and start new projects. Everything seems fresh and possible. The fact you are still in the same job you hate, that you haven’t saved enough to book the trip to somewhere not here, and you haven’t blogged in 6 months doesn’t matter.
With that in mind I signed up for The Reinvention Project some time last year. It was scheduled for a time far enough in the future that all I had to do was enter my email address and not think about it till after the holidays. But now the time has come and I’m not entirely sure what to expect.
There’s not a single one thing I want to fix in my life, I’d like more focus, more determination, more self belief, and less lazy. I’d like to stop falling back on unfulfilling work in offices I don’t care about and actually try. I want to stop being scared.
I’ve signed up for a number of different plans like this, but not ever one that emails you every weekday. It’s unfortunate but I really do need to be told every day what I need to be doing to help myself. Big picture goals don’t help me. I need solid deadlines, broken down tasks, something specific to work towards. I’ve written so many times on this blog about my latest ‘this is it’ moment. While those moments are rarely it in the way I’d like them to be, every it brings me closer to the person I want to be. All the little steps and changes add up and it’s only by looking back to the person I was a years ago that I can see the changes.
The first interview and assignment for my 30 day reinvention was sent through today. With it I determined the areas of my life that need the most work, and the areas of my life I’m most happy with.
The word holding it all together is confidence. I’ll gain confidence by learning new things, seeing myself with the same eyes I see others, looking after my health, and creating a working environment that is clean and spacious. I’ll get a career, or at least a job I’m invested in, when I have the confidence. It’s an odd and cruel thing that I had more confidence and found it easier to gun for opportunities when I was younger and inexperienced. I thought I knew more 7 years ago. I’ve regressed and become the scared 8 year old that didn’t want to go to school because she wasn’t THE BEST in her class at times tables.
I also really really really really really need to keep on with downsizing my belongings. If only so I can actually move around my room without breaking things left on the floor. I’m hoping to start this 20 minute a day cleaning schedule. 20 minutes is doable to a point that I don’t really believe I’ll be able to clean my house in that short a time. We’ll see.