27

Happy Birthday me!

The 9th of October arrived much like it did last year, with Kate shouting happy birthday and dancing around the kitchen, both of us a least a little drunk, and Kate awake way past her bedtime.

27 snuck up on me. It’s not that I didn’t anticipate the day or make any arrangements for celebrations, it’s not even that I was trying to forget on purpose. It’s just sneaky.

Finishing the cookbook photography, making jewellery, working full-time, and planning a trip to Japan has been taking up all my time. (YES, JAPAN.) So I haven’t even come close to finishing my 26 in 26 list. But I will. This year I don’t have any lists in mind but I am going to try my hardest to finish the one I started. Many of the remaining list items have been started; I have the frame for my SE Asian postcards, I just haven’t put the postcards in it yet (task for today!); I’ve cut a few inches off a skirt, I just haven’t hemmed it yet; I am on the lookout for a good quality second-hand tripod.

I had plans to go to the South Island this year, and I will be going next year in autumn.

For now though, I will finally drag myself out of bed (at 1pm) and have a shower. Followed by bacon butties, antipasto for dinner, and the 16 year old Jura whisky I bought as a present for making it through another amazing year.

Resolutions and Reinventions

I’m not a fan of big new year resolutions where the results aren’t measurable, like be healthy or lose weight or cook more. That’s why I have my 26 in 26 list. But there’s no denying January is the best time of year to write lists and start new projects. Everything seems fresh and possible. The fact you are still in the same job you hate, that you haven’t saved enough to book the trip to somewhere not here, and you haven’t blogged in 6 months doesn’t matter.

With that in mind I signed up for The Reinvention Project some time last year. It was scheduled for a time far enough in the future that all I had to do was enter my email address and not think about it till after the holidays. But now the time has come and I’m not entirely sure what to expect.

There’s not a single one thing I want to fix in my life, I’d like more focus, more determination, more self belief, and less lazy. I’d like to stop falling back on unfulfilling work in offices I don’t care about and actually try. I want to stop being scared.

I’ve signed up for a number of different plans like this, but not ever one that emails you every weekday. It’s unfortunate but I really do need to be told every day what I need to be doing to help myself. Big picture goals don’t help me. I need solid deadlines, broken down tasks, something specific to work towards. I’ve written so many times on this blog about my latest ‘this is it’ moment. While those moments are rarely it in the way I’d like them to be, every it brings me closer to the person I want to be. All the little steps and changes add up and it’s only by looking back to the person I was a years ago that I can see the changes.

The first interview and assignment for my 30 day reinvention was sent through today. With it I determined the areas of my life that need the most work, and the areas of my life I’m most happy with.

The word holding it all together is confidence. I’ll gain confidence by learning new things, seeing myself with the same eyes I see others, looking after my health, and creating a working environment that is clean and spacious. I’ll get a career, or at least a job I’m invested in, when I have the confidence. It’s an odd and cruel thing that I had more confidence and found it easier to gun for opportunities when I was younger and inexperienced. I thought I knew more 7 years ago. I’ve regressed and become the scared 8 year old that didn’t want to go to school because she wasn’t THE BEST in her class at times tables.





I also really really really really really need to keep on with downsizing my belongings. If only so I can actually move around my room without breaking things left on the floor. I’m hoping to start this 20 minute a day cleaning schedule. 20 minutes is doable to a point that I don’t really believe I’ll be able to clean my house in that short a time. We’ll see.

Whatever, I’ll Do What I Want

I’ve realised lately that I’m in a good space and working on what I actually want to do now. How do I know this?

I’m temping and getting on with it but my mind is full of jewellery ideas I’d like to work on, photos I want to be taking, and blog posts I want to be writing.

When people ask what I do I tell them I temp 6 months of the year, as well as all the other stuff. Because that’s true. I have officially gotten to a point in my life where I can live on half of my temping wage while I’m temping, and spend the other half of my wage during the 6 months of the year I’m not officially employed.

My birthday, an unusually beautiful and sunny one (spring time in Wellington = rain), was spent nursing a hangover of both the food and alcohol varieties, having high tea with some of my ladies, and working. I couldn’t wait to have a few hours to myself so I could edit some photos, write some words, and sketch some ideas.

The crazy giftmas season has kicked in and orders have shifted into high gear. It’s been quite overwhelming juggling 40 hours in the office, social engagements every night, blogging every day, and filling all the orders in time. But I’m still really happy, I want to give up less than ever. And it’s a really great space to be in.

Over the past few years I’ve struggled constantly with the idea that maybe I’m just doing the jewellery and blogging thing because I couldn’t think of anything else. But I’m pretty sure that as long as I’m crafting and sharing my thoughts I’m where I want to be.

Money or no.

[Title courtesy of Cartman]

Eleven Eleven Eleven

Whether you use the American date system or the normal one (ha!) doesn’t matter. It’s 11/11/11.

These days I’m temping in an office with people I used to work for 5 years ago. Spending my days thinking about blogging and jewellery and food. My sister has been visiting for the past few days with her friend so I’ve eaten out for lunch and dinner for the past three days.

The weather has been windy, scarily so, but today the sun has finally come out.

11/11/10

November 2010 I was 25 and looking for a house to move into with Brend and flatties Kate and Jason. Our old dump was falling down around us and we didn’t like having to live with an extra single person (and I don’t think single people really liked living with our coupled up selves either). I was temping at the same place I’m temping at now. I was getting excited about going to my first midnight movie screening and booking a bach with friends for new years.
Kate and Jason had been on their honeymoon to America and Brend and I were serious about our own travel plans.
I had started doing Couch to 5k with Kate, which was a disaster because, as I later found out, I have hypermobile knees.

11/11/09

Back then I was 24 and blogging almost every day. I had quit my job in June and was being supported by my ex while I worked on the jewellery business. We had a little apartment of our own in Mt Victoria and had been living there almost 3 years. I had been a pescetarian for almost 3 years as well. My how things change in two short years!

I met a lot of new people in October and November 2010, almost everyone I’m good friends with now! Thanks to twitter I secured myself a larger group of best friends than I ever thought I’d be lucky enough to have. I spent November gossiping with them, replacing dead phones, and stressing about the ex’s workplace being downsized to 4 days a week.

I also spent a lot of time stressing about where our relationship was going. I was well ready to get engaged, and he, well, wasn’t.

11/11/06

Before blogging! Before twitter! Before Facebook! Before I joined Flickr! I was 21 and was 3 weeks into a new job. Wellington had been my home for almost four years and Sol and I were living without flatmates for the first time in a shitty little basement bedsit that had windows but no light.
I was getting involved in the internet in an obsessive way around this time thanks to My Chemical Romance, the MCRmy, and MySpace. I also bought a bass and amp with my birthday money and started trying to play.

Where were you?

Done

Today is officially 1001 days since the 1st of January 2009, and the start of my 101 in 1001 list.

While I didn’t even finish writing the list in all that time it’s been interesting over the last couple of years to see what has remained relative to my interests, and to be reminded about how much my life has changed.

I never got that new lounge suite, or tickets to Germany. Life took a different direction and I went to Asia instead. I stopped caring about $2000 couches and learned to live with less.

I stopped counting all the new music I’d listened to and recipes I’d tried. Living with Brendan, Kate, and Jason exposed me to lots of new music and food.

I got a nicer camera and started to learn how to use it, moved houses a couple of times, got tattooed, finished a relationship that wasn’t working any more, fell in love again, quit my office job, and grew my jewellery business. It’s been a big couple of years.

A few things are obvious from the list: I need to read more actual books and be healthier. I didn’t quite make my goal of a week without sugary treats, I’m half way through a week now though. A few days too late.

This year I’m planning a list that I can complete in 365 days, between birthdays. A shorter time frame means I’m far more likely to keep the goals in mind and put in a little effort to get them done. Excited.

Detox Diary

12 September – 23 September: 3 bottles of water a day; no cheese; no alcohol; maximum 1 caffeinated drink a day; maximum of 2 coffees a week; 2 days a week where sugary food is allowed.

'ave a banana!

Day 1:

It’s only midday but I’m already feeling virtuous for swapping the morning coffee for a bottle of water. Since returning from Asia the water drinking has been waaaay down. Less than a bottle a day usually, so a bottle is actually quite an achievement.

11am: I catch myself staring intently at the chocolates at the checkout.
The panic that has appeared over not being able to eat sugar is ridiculous (!) but proves the point that the time to get over this addiction is now.
I have a birthday celebration on Wednesday and I’m getting tattooed on Thursday, so I already know my sugar day allowances will have to wait till then.

2pm: Every mention of tea on twitter makes me want to drink it ALL. Apparently I follow a lot of tea lovers. Second bottle of water has been downed in protest.

4pm: Jason is home from work and enquiring whether I want anything from the dairy. “Don’t even tempt me.” “You’re probably saving lives in Colombia by not buying coke anyway.”

This coke or this coke Jason?

Day 2:

A BLT and smoothie for breakfast. When you’re doing the Best Detox EverTM you get to eat things like BLTs for breakfast. There’s no cheese so it’s fair game. Apparently the reason I love cheese so much is because I’m addicted to morphine. This is turning into the get Kim to rehab show.

12pm: The water isn’t going down as easily as yesterday. But I am determined to have my entire digestive system transmute into pure mother-of-pearl.


Cake made by Laura.

Day 3:

Thank god it’s a sugar day. These pieces of coconut rough are like sex in my mouth. Cannot stop fantasising about the man shaped cake I’m going to eat tonight.

Day 4:

Went a little crazy on the sugar last night. But must keep going today. It’s tattoo day and I need to keep the sugar up. Lest…something.

Day 5:

Ugggggghhhhhh. Two days of sugar and I feel like absolute crap. My throat is sore, I’m bloated, my arm feels like it’s had a million little needle pricks.

12pm: My burger without cheese or cheese sauce is not as good as my usual burger with cheese and cheese sauce. I hope it’s not because I’m still addicted to morphine.

4pm: Oh shit, I think I’ve caught Kate’s cold. I knew sitting in the sun at Park(ing) Day was too much stress on my pasty white skin.

Day 6:

Yep, definitely caught the cold. Thank goodness Brendan isn’t working today so he can be my slave. Am I the only person who wants to eat cake when they’re sick? Brendan refuses to try to make me a cake, his friends are over or something. Poor excuse.

Day 7:

Brendan is working today though, so I have to fend for myself. This cold seems to be one that kills you straight away and then retreats rather quickly, I’m at least able to walk today.

12pm: In my feeble state I failed at healthy supermarketing and have to designate today a sugar day. A 4 pack of muffins, mocha flavoured milk, mac and cheese in a box (doesn’t count as cheese cause it definitely doesn’t have any cheese in it), and some fruit & vegetable juice so I could trick myself into feeling virtuous.

Day 8:

What a waste of a sugar day. I decided to finish of the half a muffin I had left and then realised that totally counted. Laaaaame. Is this the normal amount of sugar people eat in a day? How do they even enjoy life?

I’m really really craving a glass of wine tonight. Only a couple of weeks till I can have one. Ahh!

Day 9:

3am: Insomnia fuck yeah. It’s times like these it sucks to be in a couple. No watching bad tv in bed for me.

8am: I’m surprisingly functional considering I spent about 5 hours in bed either staring into darkness or at my little phone screen.

7pm: Eggs have crossed the line from tolerable texture, to omg am I eating slime texture. In an attempt to try new ways to eat them I made this super easy avolegmeno, it’s like fancy sour chicken soup. SO so good. Like eating cream without the horrible side effects eating cream gives me.

Day 10:

3am: Finally going to sleep after spending the last 4 hours trying to clean up malware I found on the site. It wasn’t infecting anyone else and wasn’t even visible if you came straight here, but search engine results made me looks like I was peddling Viagra. Fuck you you fucking fucks.

Still craving sugar but I’ve noticed how my stomach looks when I don’t eat it. Flat!

9pm: I made up for the lack of alcohol at tonight’s pub quiz by eating a second dinner.

Day 11:

11 am: How do you eat french toast without sugar? Is it even possible? I couldn’t so I sneaked a sachet of equal. Only one though, and that shit totally doesn’t even count as sugar.

Halloween must be approaching because I just saw a photo of candy corn on twitter. My friend in high school would go to America sometimes and bring me back candy corn, that shit is sweet sweet nectar, I doubt my teeth could even handle it now. Twitter friend was nice enough to link me to the devil website where I could get some for myself though.

Day 12:

I just realised I’m not complaining about cravings as much. Maybe this detox is actually working? My strategy has been to get so stuffed on savoury food that there’s no room to think about sugar.
My life revolves around food so I’m happy with my decision to give up pescetarianism, because it means I get to eat the new pulled pork burger at Monterey. Pulled pork is where the meat lover was rereleased last year.

7pm: I missed out on all the cheese with dinner at Brend’s sisters place, but the cheery pie and pretzel chocolate chip cookies at Jo’s were too much to pass up. Technically that means I’ve used up next weeks sugar day allowance a day early. Technically that means no sugar treats for the next two weeks! I hope I don’t hurt myself when I fall off the wagon.

To the guy who, when I was 14 and I asked how old I looked, responded with 24

  1. Thanks. That’s pretty much exactly what my teenage ears wanted to hear. I felt so mature laughing at the absurdity of you getting my age wrong by 10 years.
  2. And

  3. Were you high?! There’s no way I looked 24 when I was 14!
14 or 24

I’m far more mature looking at 24 obviously!

p.s I’m actually 17 in that photo on the left so the photo is kind of redundant but it’s the oldest digital photo I have of myself.

p.p.s Awesome flatmate Jason took the photo on the right along with a few others, but I decided to use the one in which I was making the stupidest face.

p.p.p.s My Aunty just put up a picture of my 14th birthday on Facebook. How convenient.

Risk of Explosion

Do you ever find yourself in such strange situations, or situations in which you’re acting different to your usual self, and it feels like you’re not actually there? Instead you’re looking at it as a bystander. Like it’s your body doing it and not you?

I’ve found myself in too many of these situations lately. Usually when I’m not entirely comfortable with where I am, or when I need to put on a persona to get through an event.

I want to be fully present in every moment, but in order to keep myself happy I try too hard to look at everything objectively. With my head and not just my heart. And it works for the most part. I’m pretty good at forcing my mind to believe I feel a certain way about something.
It means I don’t get caught up in my emotions and break down. But it also means I often push my feelings to the back.

Will they explode one day?

Will I explode one day?

Who Am I?

I used to be such a smug fucking married. While everyone was breaking up and losing their jobs I was totally in love and earning money. In fact I was so confident that I left my job to be self employed while Sol supported me. I was finally ready to relinquish some of my independence in the hopes of running an empire one day, and while I had a back up savings account just in case (thank fuck) it was still a big deal to give up spending money and control.

Yeah, sorry about that.

I don’t regret any of my actions. I learnt so much about myself last year, what I want, and what I can live with. I became more confident, and happy. I’m learning that confidence in a relationship is very different to confidence outside a relationship though. At least for someone that is single for the first time in their adult life at the age of 24.

As half of a couple you can be completely oblivious to the signals around you when you’re out and about. It doesn’t matter if the guy at the next table is staring, because you’re not interested anyway. There is no one to impress. It doesn’t matter if you’re being too loud. You know who you’re going home with.
As a single lady Every. Fucking. Guy. is looking at you. Whether they actually are doesn’t matter, that’s what it feels like. It’s harder to relax. People become predatory instead of just being drunk and annoying.

Despite the person I became during 2009…the person I wanted to be; one with more confidence, more friends, and slightly more interesting things to say. I feel like I need to reinvent myself again. I need to become single Kim. Just Kim. Not Kim and Sol. Just Kim.

But if I already like who I am how can I do something drastic to reinvent myself?

Do I need to throw out all of my clothes and start again? Do I really have to join a gym? Because I hate working out.

2009 In Review

2009 in Review

A heads up: I started this post before giftmas and coming back to finish it found I had to change it. A lot. Prior to giftmas day, 2009 was the best year of my life. I met so many amazing people, had the best fun, started my own business, had fun blogging, and was very much in love. Unfortunately giftmas day saw my Grandads health take a nose dive, boxing day saw him pass away, and the 27th left me alone for the first time since I was 15 when Sol decided to leave me because I want to get married and he doesn’t. Yeah. Lame.

  1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
    Chose to rock a fringe, worked for myself, sold jewellery, travelled overseas with friends, got a tattoo. Yay, yay, and yay.
  2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
    My 101 in 1001 list started on the 1st of January and I’ve managed to tick quite a few things off it. Including the one that was most important to me at the start of the year – quitting my job.
    There will be many more for next year. Including sorting out my relationship/lack of relationship and learning to be strong and happy however the situation turns out.
  3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
    Benhi had beautiful little Abigail on the 26th of November
    Shonali had cuteness Charlie in August
  4. Did anyone close to you die?
    Yes :[ My very sick Grandad died on Boxing Day. I got to see him one last time on Christmas day and it was horrible to see him so frail and in pain.
  5. What countries did you visit?
    Australia (Gold Coast)
  6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
    A kitty, a thriving business that pays my bills, a DSLR camera.
  7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    May – Trip to Oz
    June 3 – Last day of work at Standards
    November 26 – Abby is born
    December 26 – Grandad Dies
    December 27 – Sol leaves me
  8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    Quitting my sucky job to work for myself.
  9. What was your biggest failure?
    Not working hard enough on my relationship, losing control of the situation, becoming financially dependant.
  10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
    Usual colitis symptoms, broken heart.
  11. What was the best thing you bought?
    Tattoos, trip to Oz, 3 pairs of prescription glasses.
  12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
    All of my new twitter friends – For being awesome and helping me have some fun
    My family – For looking after me and giving me space when I need it when it feels like my world is falling apart
    All the people that have tried to keep me distracted this past week
  13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
    Sol’s, all the people that want to be able to beat their kids legally, all the haters that think gay people and atheists don’t deserve the same rights as them.
  14. Where did most of your money go?
    Food. Always. May seem like a waste but it is one of my favourite things in the world.
  15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    Leaving my job, seeing my family, holidaying.
  16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
    Anything by Sonata Arctica, or from Glee.
  17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    • Happier or sadder?
      Sadder.
    • Thinner or fatter?
      Potentially fatter, but definitely more comfortable with my body.
    • Richer or poorer?
      I have more money in my savings account, but less regular income.
  18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
    Cleaning, writing.
  19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
    Wasting time online unnecessarily.
  20. How will you be spending Christmas?
    I spent the morning at Mums opening presents before getting a call to say Grandad had taken a turn for the worst and wouldn’t be able to spend the day out of hospital after all.
    Followed by food.
    Followed by a trip to the hospital to see my Dad’s side of the family and Grandad looking frail and struggling for breath.
    Night time was spent getting drunk at my Aunties house across the road from Mum’s. Siblings, cousins, Mum, Step Dad, Aunty and Uncle did a good job of distracting me from Grandads expected passing by singing, dancing, and laughing.
    4.30am bought a phone call from Dad’s wife to say Grandad had passed.
  21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
    I fall in love/obsession with things all the time, so yes. Most recently it’s been Alan Rickman/Severus Snape, Emma Watson, Harry Potter (the stories not the boy), Glee, and Sonata Arctica. I stayed very much in love with Sol.
  22. What was your favourite TV programme?
    Glee, House, Gossip Girl, Gilmore Girls, True Blood, Dexter, Shortland Street. Don’t make me choose.
  23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    I hate NZ Post. Does that count?
  24. What was the best book you read?
    Wicked
  25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    Sonata Arctica. I heard them last year but listened to everything and became obsessed this year!
  26. What did you want and get?
    Some wholesale orders, awesome new friends, laser cutter, new job, tattoos.
  27. What did you want and not get?
    A proper commitment from Sol
  28. What was your favourite film of this year?
    Inglourious Basterds, though I watched Love Actually most.
  29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    I turned 24 and celebrated with dinner and drinks at Japanese Restaurant Arashi. Then I got to meet Laura, Stacey, and Sarah from twitter at Hooch. I love those ladies!
  30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    Getting engaged. Or even not being dumped, I would settle for that.
  31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
    “I don’t give a fuck how you expect me to dress”
    It involves a lot of t shirts, sneakers, tights, and skirts.
  32. What kept you sane?
    Twitter
  33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    Severus Snape. lol.
  34. What political issue stirred you the most?
    Religion in government, homophobia in society. The usual stuff.
  35. Who did you miss?
    My mum. And I’ve missed Sol for a couple of days now.
  36. Who was the best new person you met?
    I can’t just choose one! Everyone from twitter I now see regularly. You have made the last few months amazing – Jo, Stacey, Laura, Amie, Lisa.
  37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009
    No matter how much love someone they can still be an absolute dickhead and abandon you right when you really need them.
    Or how about – you don’t have to work in a job you hate.
    Or maybe – good friends are worth their weight in gold.
  38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
    “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it”

If I haven’t mentioned you by name it’s not that I don’t love and appreciate you, it’s that I have a pretty terrible memory unless things are written down. If you’re reading this I love you too!